One step at a time

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Fri, 06 Jul 2012 23:18:55 -0600

Haha, I’ve been trying to post an insightful blog to my current life for the past three days....

Mon, 14 May 2012 00:43:00 -0600

Haha, I’ve been trying to post an insightful blog to my current life for the past three days. It’s not happening, but I can try. Just to not fill up your news feed or whatever it’s called on Tumblr, click Read More if you wonder what’s on my mind…

It’s hard for me to imagine that mere months ago that I thought I found a new friend who would last for the rest of my life… She never made to my second year of college. Morgan. I miss her so much. There’s things I don’t miss about her though. Drank heavily, called at 4AM when I was sleeping (and she was very drunk), her step-dad basically ruling over her life. While it’s easy for me to list out a few flaws, it’s better to look at what made us friends in the first place.

I met Morgan at the psychiatric ward back in November. It’s weird to meet people while you’re undergoing treatment for some serious mental illnesses, but she had some of the same problems I’ve had. We were both in there for the same reason. Although, according to her, her’s was a total accident.

It’s weird to think that I would of never met her if the doctors decided I was able to go home the Friday she arrived. We hit it off immediately. At the time, I really only knew one other person who was around the same age of me. Her name was Amanda, whom I still keep in contact a little bit to this day.

Morgan came in, and immediately things changed. Morgan was really pretty. She had an awesome personality too. Funny. She liked the band “Say Anything”, but as I soon found out, my mind created the illusion that it was also her favorite band… She liked them a lot, but didn’t LOVE them as I do. Other then that single band, our music tastes were very different. Not that it matters at all… I happen to have one of the most diverse music tastes… ranging from Weird Al, to Country, to Eminem, and then Say Anything… All different genres, but I love them all equally.

It was great to have another person who I could confide in and talk to during my visit at UIC. We soon became very good friends, and I finally got the courage one day to ask for her number… it was actually the day before we were both expected to get discharged.

The initial plan was to get discharged that day, and then the following day I would pick her up near her work, and she was to come over, hangout, maybe smoke, and meet some of my college friends.

It happened, and it was a lot of fun. We didn’t have much time to really hang out; when I picked her up it was around 6:00 - rush hour in downtown Chicago… making the trip there and back much longer then it should of been. Later, after we were done hanging out and stuff, I went to go drop her off at her step-dads house.

Well, that was the last time I saw Morgan in person.

Soon after, her step-dad knew she smoked, and got pretty upset at her… but mostly me. According to Morgan, he didn’t really care about it at all, he just wanted to make sure she wasn’t hanging out with some bad people.

The plan after that was for me and my roommate to go over to her step-dads place and simply introduce ourselves, so it wouldn’t be shady at all. I meant nothing but friendship and good, but that plan quickly was adverted.

A few days and phone calls later, I get a late night phone call from Morgan. “My aunt just tried to kill herself in Indiana… I’m going to have to go there for a few weeks with my step-dad.”

That was fine, and I didn’t really care, but what really bothered me was there was no closure to what happened we first hung out… her step-dad was going to think whatever he thought of me (this will become more relevant in a bit).

So, fast forward a week or two, she’s in Indiana, and I’m in Chicago. In the current situation, I have no school because I had to drop out of my first semester due to being admitted to a psych ward. I had my car downtown though, and it looked like Morgan wasn’t going to be coming back anytime soon.

So, we decide to make a plan that I would drive all the way to Indiana, and she would throw me gas money to drive her all the to Chicago to lay low with me for a week or so until her step-dad came back to Chicago. She was miserable in Indiana, and her Mom really wanted her to stay with someone in Chicago while they cared for her aunt.

Her mom was 100% for me coming to pick her up, so I began my journey.

About 1.5/2 hours into drive to Indianapolis (out of 3.5 hours), Morgan calls me and asks where I am… I told her I was a little over halfway to pick her up, and she tells me to turn around. I ask why, and she says that her step-dad decided it would be funny to tell her mom about the whole smoking-thing… Turns out, her mom flips shit about it, and does not want me to come pick up Morgan anymore…

I basically tell her ‘what the fuck, I’m already over halfway, are you kidding me? You said this was okay when I left, and now suddenly it’s not? Did you even ask before I left???????’

Well, all I get is an apology, her saying she’ll give me gas money when she comes back to Chicago in December (she never did) and that we’ll meet up whenever she comes back.

She comes back, and is in Chicago for roughly a week or so, it was near Christmas too, so I was kinda hesitent to stay in Chicago for her. I went back home, with the knowledge that I could easily drive down to Chicago and hangout with her if she could.

Well, after calls and texts, she’s just pulling my chain, says her step-dad now doesn’t want me to hang out with her, and she can’t even meet me anywhere to just talk for a little bit. Huge bummer. I really really liked her, but of course, it just didn’t work out.

I don’t know whether it was her feeling horrible for the way she treated me, or my reaction to all of this. I didn’t overreact, by any means, but I did simply say “I wish I had gotten to know you better” (as seen in an earlier post on here).

Ever since then? I haven’t heard from her. We’re still Facebook friends, and quite frankly, I probably lost her number when I got my Android phone. I tried chatting her once or twice on Facebook, simple conversations… she never replied.

So that’s the story of Morgan. Now I wonder why I even typed all of this out. Closure? No… A few months past after everything, and when I could think about her and not get upset… that’s when I felt I had closure.

It’s been a while since I’ve written anything on here, and quite frankly, this was the only thing I could think of right now.

Five months later, and I haven’t actually met any other girl at all… It’s just been me and schoolwork.. exactly how it should be currently. When I graduate in 3 short months, I’ll most likely reflect on all of this and be glad that our friendship never went anywhere, which is a harsh thing to say, but I don’t think that kind of friendship would of been very beneficial to me right now.

So, if you’ve made this far, congratulations. I honestly don’t expect anyone to read much further then “READ MORE”. Although, if you are still reading, let me know somehow, then I may write more of these long-ass-useless blogs.

What’s currently going on in my life?

I am ‘working’ with the restaurant iNG (google it) in Chicago to bring 3D Projection Mapping to their foyer floor and add Microsoft Kinect interaction to the floor on top of it. My buddy Devin is heading up the 3D projection mapping part, while I’m in charge of making the Kinect interact with the floor correctly. I put working in quotes mainly because I have never stepped foot in the restaurant, or talked to anyone involved in the project other then Devin… So that’s not very final right now. Devin’s waiting for me to be able to show off some cool Kinect stuff, and I’m not too sure that I can produce anything soon. It’s taking a lot of patience with the Kinect, and I’m kind of lazy.

The second major project that I’m working on is a full design of LED lights at the Excalibur Club in Chicago. This project could very well go into the thousands of dollars of purchased lights. I was talking to a manager over at the place while pitching my LED light strips that I also use in my light shows… He said that were planning to buy a $10,000 Video wall… Which would only cover one wall… He simply just said ‘Why don’t we buy $10,000 worth of your strips, and we can have so many more lights!’

Nothing is even final with that either… Which is concerning me. I’m pretty much out of money right now, and my dad is in severe trouble of losing his job (Company is about to shutdown because there’s not enough work out there). I know a small part of me is over excited for this whole thing to go through, because it could make my family more financially sound, until my dad can figure out what he’s going to be doing after his company closes. My mom has already been freaking out about making payments for school for my last semester, and for rent for my apartment for the last two months of my lease. The other part of me though is kinda playing this whole ordeal down. I am confident in what I am pitching and I seem to have the main manager hooked on the lights. The problem is that this Thursday or Friday I will be meeting with the people who actually write the checks for these sort of things

The problem with that is the possibility that even though the person I have been talking to about redesigning lights LOVES me, my age and appearance may not work in my favor when pitching it to the people who have the money. I’m not discouraged by any means, and I’m confident I can do this and it will go through. I just can’t be super excited for something that isn’t final, and could possibly fall through at any given moment.

I honestly think that I’m taking this the best way possible. It’s good to not get hyped up about something that isn’t certain, but its also good to be a little excited because it will keep me on track and dedicated to pitching this project the best way I can.

Otherwise… Things are great. I am completely happy with where I am. Things have gotten rusty, and I’ve found out who I really am. I never knew who I was during middle school, and barely knew in high school. Because of this, some of the people who I truly thought were going to be my best friends throughout my life… are not my friends anymore. I could go writing another whole story about what happened, but that’s for another time.

People change. Friends change. I’ve changed. It’s all apart of life, and once you can accept that, I honestly think you can find happiness anywhere, even if you’re lonely.

Say Anything 4/4 (Taken with instagram)

Thu, 05 Apr 2012 00:19:14 -0600

Say Anything 4/4 (Taken with instagram)

Thu, 05 Apr 2012 00:16:47 -0600

Say Anything 4/4 (Taken with instagram)

Wed, 04 Apr 2012 23:54:22 -0600

Say Anything 4/4 (Taken with instagram)

Say Anything. @ House of Blues 4/4 (Taken with instagram)

Wed, 04 Apr 2012 23:14:31 -0600

Say Anything. @ House of Blues 4/4 (Taken with instagram)

It’s pointless to even bring her up anymore. I’ve...

Sun, 08 Jan 2012 16:44:00 -0600

It’s pointless to even bring her up anymore. I’ve deleted her and she’s gone for good. It’s just weird that no one will ever understand what she meant to me as a person and a friend. Meeting someone who ACTUALLY can understand and relate to your problems is hard to find… I thought I was out of luck until I met her. Then things went downhill.

Although, if there’s someone to blame, it is myself.

Here’s to hoping for no car accidents and no psychiatric wards this year…

Sun, 01 Jan 2012 07:12:58 -0600

Here’s to hoping for no car accidents and no psychiatric wards this year…

Thank you. So much.

Wed, 14 Dec 2011 15:14:39 -0600

Thank you. So much.

FAVORITE GAME EVER

Wed, 23 Nov 2011 18:08:22 -0600

FAVORITE GAME EVER

Video

Tue, 01 Nov 2011 02:19:02 -0600

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Wed, 26 Oct 2011 22:25:06 -0600

I almost died last Monday.

Wed, 28 Sep 2011 14:01:00 -0600

A lot of people say that they ‘almost died’ in certain situations, but I really almost did.

Sunday night I took some sleeping pills to help me fall asleep. The interaction between them and my anxiety medicine sent me into a blackout state all of Monday…

During the course of Monday, I took about 40MG of my anxiety medicine (which possibily could kill me due to overdose), and the rest of the 30 sleeping pills.

I woke up Tuesday, thinking I slept all day, went home to go to my psychiatrist, and then got a call from my School Dean that he’d like to sit down and talk to me about something.

I was confused, but when I came back later Tuesday, my roommate told me what happened, which is when I went in my room and saw that I had taken all of my medication within a span of a few hours on Monday.

My roommate, Bross, and my really good friend Tisha both were keeping an eye of me ALL DAY Monday. I didn’t even know how much people really cared about me, and they both showed me that when it comes down to it, they’ll be there for me, no matter what. My roommate even missed his first class to make sure I was okay. At 4:30AM Tuesday morning I guess I asked my roommate to watch a movie, so he and my Tisha both watched a magic movie with me, and I decided to rewind to the beginning about 15 minutes before it ended. They were annoyed, but kept watching because they weren’t sure what I was going to do next.

I haven’t gone to the hospital yet, I feel fine for the most part, but I’m progressively getting sicker and sicker this week. I’m going to the doctor Thursday. Poison control said that liver failure could happen, but it wouldn’t be immediate, and since I’ve been on the medication for about a year, it’s unlikely, but not out of the question.

My whole outlook and perspective on life has changed. It’s only when you’re that close to death that you actually take a step back and realize what you have and what you should be thankful for.

Why did I share this with whoever the fuck follows me on this thing? No reason, this will be buried between all of the other weird photos and other stuff on everyone else’s stream, but I needed to put this somewhere…

Goodbye Panera, I sure as hell won’t miss you.

Sun, 12 Jun 2011 22:52:48 -0600

Goodbye Panera, I sure as hell won’t miss you.

Hey all 7 of my followers!!! If you could do a huge favor and vote for Archie Powell and The Exports...

Fri, 13 May 2011 13:40:51 -0600

Hey all 7 of my followers!!! If you could do a huge favor and vote for Archie Powell and The Exports for my college’s battle of the bands, that’d be SO awesome of you, and I’ll buy you a beer in the near future :)

http://botb.tribecaflashpoint.com/band04.php

This song was written for me, by Max Bemis from the band Say...

Sat, 30 Apr 2011 22:34:00 -0600

This song was written for me, by Max Bemis from the band Say Anything! Take a listen!! :)

Lyrics (as far as I can tell):

One dog, four cats,

one skink, and a single fish.

Flashpoint, studying,

programming games.

Magic, is my skill,

love computers,

and my friends.

Stub your toe, if,

you should call me lame.

Can’t get, over, the girl

who shredded up my heart.

My best friend,

in the world.

I could nod and she would

she her proven and god,

it makes me come alive.

She don’t, see the,

greater good in me.

Adam G it’s me.

June fifteenth, they shot me into the world.

You had, better, thank me that I am here,

Don’t you, doubt it, I will charge the world

world right up, my magic that I use (?) to conquer all my fear.

All right!

Adam G it’s me.

Watch it disappear into thin air.

I’ll make it disappear into thin air.

I’ll let it disappear into thin air.

Make you disappear into thin air.

Adam G it’s me.

I am.

Mon, 18 Apr 2011 15:44:14 -0600

I am.

You’ll never know how much I hate baseball, but it was the...

Mon, 04 Apr 2011 23:24:47 -0600

You’ll never know how much I hate baseball, but it was the only opportunity for me to see you, and have fun with you.

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Sat, 02 Apr 2011 19:43:18 -0600

Ever since I met you in September, I’ve been dying to say...

Tue, 29 Mar 2011 02:04:06 -0600

Ever since I met you in September, I’ve been dying to say this to you.

I love everything about you.

But I just found out this whole time you’ve loved someone else.

You have no idea how much you mean to me.

If anyone is reading this, I need a friend. All of my other friends are fading away…